Every Saturday morning wimpy wrestler has an origin story.
This movie is about a wimpy kid, Greg, who’s really more of an ungrateful friend with delusions of grandeur. Greg’s just entered middle school, and along with his dorky friend Rowley, is trying to figure out ways for him to stand out and become popular. Among one of the things he decides trying out is wrestling. He assures himself that he’d be great at it because he’s watched it for year and knows all the moves.
Narrator: “He didn’t.”
This provides us with a fantasy sequence that I’ll explain in The Wrestling section.
After the fantasy sequence ends, the two kids quickly find themselves in amateur wrestling singlets and headgear wondering what the hell kind of wrestling this is. To make matters worse for Greg, he ends up losing two matches in a row. One to an outcast who’s even lower in the middle school social hierarchy, and the other to a girl. Keep in mind, this was before the women’s revolution. Eventually, Greg comes to terms with accepting himself for who he is and valuing his one real friendship.
As I mentioned, this kid does not know his wrestling. Neither does the writer, the director, the editor, the stunt coordinator, etc. Unless someone wanted to purposely mess with wrestling nerds who blog about niche topics such as professional wrestling representation in the mainstream media. Greg starts naming the moves he honestly thinks he can pull off, such as the Tombstone Piledriver. The Undertaker’s trademark finisher.
What we actually see mini Ziggy Stardust Greg perform is a splash from the middle rope. And also missing his opponent.
Then he mentions the chair shot. Simple enough, right? Wrong. The movie shows us Greg performing a clothesline. There’s no chair in sight.
Then he calls out another trademark finishing move: The Vader Bomb. In this movie, a Vader Bomb is gorilla press slamming your opponent out of the ring. If anything, what Greg refers to as the Tombstone Piledriver is actually closer to what the real Vader Bomb is. This all ends with pyro and the audience chanting “Greg!” Despite Greg never officially beating his opponent.
Unfortunately, no actual wrestlers were used for this movie. It’s just Greg wrestling his older brother with the help of wires. Which probably explains why none of the moves matched the names. Surprisingly, the referee is just some random dude and not Gene LeBelle.