10 Count!

10 Count! WWE Mini-Me’s

94_SUR0027Not long ago on NXT, the Vaudevillains introduced the Full Sail University crowd to the mini Lucha Dragons. Unfortunately, they left a lot to be desired of as far as lucha libre minis go. They were pretty much small guys in Nacho Libre masks and Lucha Dragons t-shirts. And even though Hornswoggle has done an okay job portraying smaller versions of Heath Slater and The Miz (although defeating the purpose of Damien Mizdow), he has a lot to learn when it comes to mimicking his much larger counterparts. Here’s a few WWE mini wrestlers who got it right.

IMG_295810. Mini Bret Hart
Had this happened leading up to the Survivor Series match between Shawn Michaels and Bret Hart, maybe this wouldn’t be as bad, but considering it happened two weeks after the screwjob was a pretty dickish move. And then reenacting the whole screwjob was just plain mean. You can pretty much give credit to Degneration-X for shitting on the once proud lucha tradition of having a mini version of you. Instead, they turned it on its head and for years to come we got even more segments featuring wrestlers making fun of other wrestlers by having little people dress up as them. Luckily for DX, WWE was selling Bret Hart masks at the time or this thing would’ve fallen apart. On the plus side, somewhere there’s a lucky kid out there with the only Hitman shades once worn by mini Bret Hart.

IMG_28929. Mini Mankind
Oddly enough, there have been two mini Mankinds in the WWE. There was one involved years later in a mini Royal Rumble that featured a mini Batista and mini Kane, that had little to no effort put into the making of his costume. Then again, they were going for post Mr. Socko Mankind at the time. Now, the original mini Mankind was bad ass and Hispanic. But what really made him even more bad ass, but not anymore Hispanic, was  but was that he was dressed as mandible claw-dishing Mankind. The one that had a match of the year with Shawn Michaels at In Your House: Mind Games. Although mini Mankind pretty much sucked in this match and was the one that got pinned.

IMG_29348. Mini TLC Participants (Mini Dudley Boyz & Mini Hardy Boyz)
Following in the fine DX tradition of humiliating your opponents with miniature versions of them, Edge and Christian brought out the mini Dudley Boyz and the mini Hardy Boyz to recreate their first TLC encounter. The fact that a small step ladder and children’s table were used pretty much derailed the whole “don’t try this at home” campaign. They did a pretty good job with the mini Dudleys, but a bit more effort could’ve gone into the mini Hardy Boyz’ wigs.

IMG_29537. Mini Undertaker
The best part about mini Undertaker was that he probably thought real Undertaker came out to save him from getting tombstoned by JBL. After Orlando Jordan ran in to save JBL from Undertaker, Taker did what he usually does: pose for the crowd as the lights go out and his music hits. Mini Undertaker figured he might as well do the same seeing as he’s still in character and got a giant chokeslam in return for mocking The Deadman.

IMG_29526. Mini Booker T
Sting just recently debuted in the WWE at Survivor Series and there’s good reason why it took so long for him to do so. A look at how they treated the Invasion’s biggest star, Booker T, had a big hand in that decision. Booker T was belittled, lost his WCW World Title, was beaten with produce, and there was mini Booker T. This time, the WWE had a babyface (The Rock) make fun of a heel (Booker T) by having a little person impersonate him. See how they switched things up there? And mini Booker T delivered. The hair was just the way it needed to be, the “suckas” were plentiful, and the Spinaroonie was on point. Hell, the guy even busted out even more dance moves. And all he got in return was a superkick to the face from Lance Storm.

IMG_29565. Dink
Once Doink went soft and dropped the pretty decent heel gimmick, he added a miniature version of himself to really push forward with the family friendliness. I still say the hijinks were funnier when there were taller Doinks involved. Dink actually would’ve worked better  if he had come along during Doink’s heel run. Think about it. He could’ve been like a Wrestling Brawlin’ Buddy come to life, after a dying Doink decided to transfer his soul via Voodoo magic to Dink a la Charles Lee Ray.

IMG_29504. Mini Vader
It’s mini Vader! A baby bull, if you will. How awesome is that? What more needs to be said, other than he should’ve demolished Mascarita Sagrada Jr. and then powerbombed him off the Raw stage. How awesome would it have been if mini Vader actually started accompanying the actual Vader to the ring? Instant career resurgence!

IMG_29333. Mini “Macho Man” Randy Savage
Before Tiger Jackson threw on the clown suit as Dink, he portrayed another, more successful, wrestler. The Macho Man. Mini Macho Man, or as he was dubbed, “The Macho Midget”, debuted when Savage was wrestling evil Doink on an episode of Raw. I have no idea why this was a tactic Savage felt he needed to use in this match, other than he’s wrestling a clown so they might as well go full circus with it. The mask was just plain creepy as hell seeing how much the mask actually resembled the Macho Man’s face. Even the hair was dead on. Mini Macho Man popped up a couple of other times, including teaming with the Bushwhackers and biting wrestlers on the butt. Doink then stole him and forced him to dress as a clown.

IMG_29492. Little Boogeyman
I was not a fan of The Boogeyman character, and I really get into it here. He was a ridiculous character that was supposed to be scary. However, one thing that did up his creepy factor was the inclusion of the Little Boogeyman. I’m not trying to say little people in general are scary, but a small dude who dressed up as and moved like The Boogeyman is a right step in the scary direction. He sure as hell freaked out Hornswoggle.

IMG_28971. Mini Goldust
Actual Dustin Rhodes shrinking himself to four feet would not have done a better job than actual mini Goldust. Just check out his entrance. It’s like he had been studying tapes and tapes of Goldust since he debuted with the WWE. Mini Goldust should’ve been Goldust’s tag team partner, not Stardust. Hell, The Dust Brothers should feud with Los Matadores just so they can bring back mini Goldust and have him fight against El Torito.

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