Delta Farce (2007)

Many might think Larry the Cable Guy’s foray into the world of wrestling was something new that only happened a couple of Raw’s ago in order to promote his movie, Jingle All the Way 2, which “co-stars” Santino Marella. But before he started unnecessarily making sequels to movies that shouldn’t have been made in the first place, Larry starred in the “comedy” Delta Farce which, unlike Jingle All the Way 2, was actually released in movie theaters. But more importantly, Delta Farce had a wrestling scene. Or, more specifically, a lucha libre scene. Unfortunately, it doesn’t involve Larry bumping all over the ring or working a cable guy gimmick.

 

The Storyline
Writing Ringside Cinema and What the World is Watching has led me to watch a lot of crap in order to review how wrestling is represented in mass media. That being said, some movies or TV shows only offer a few minutes of wrestling-related content, excusing me from having to sit through the entire thing. Luckily, this is one such movie.

The wrestling scene in question finds Danny Trejo, as villainous Danny Trejo, sitting on a Game of Thrones style throne made of hubcaps, because what else is some Mexican drug lord going to sit on? They did give him a gold tooth to slightly alter his appearance. Apparently, he’s hosting some type of lucha competition in his lair which makes the Lucha Underground facility look like Arena Mexico.

Hubcaps also adorn the wall, because sombreros and framed pictures of La Virgen de Guadalupe was probably too on the nose. The ring is shoddy looking, but not much worse than what you might find at one of your local indie promotions. In Mexico. The skinny Delta Farce guy, Everett, who you might remember as the skinny guy from Road Trip, is in the ring dressed as a luchador presumably fighting for his life against Bootleg Ultimo Dragon.

The Wrestling
Everett knocks Dragon off his feet with the slowest head-scissor take down ever recorded in a wrestling match. I’m not even quite sure how he was able to take Dragon down seeing as there was no momentum going into that move from Everett. It just seemed like Bootleg Dragon was performing a move on him instead of the other way around.  Everett then follows that up with an arm drag. Not a typical lucha arm drag, or even a Ricky Steamboat one, but more like a hip throw you see women do in self defense classes on some sitcom or something. It’s fucking terrible.

Everett shouts at Bootleg Dragon to, “Eat some of this, Taco!” Which makes sense because Everett is talking with a Southern accent. It was either going to be taco or Pepe. Everett runs the ropes like the Ultimate Warrior and hits that Undertaker-style clothesline in which he flips forward in mid-air. Dragon himself sells the clothesline with a back flip, like he was Fatu taking a Steinerline at WrestleMania IX.

Everett scales the ropes as Trejo looks on worriedly. Everett continues to take a dump on the Steamboat legacy by nailing a shitty-looking diving crossbody from the top rope. Considering Everett weighs a third of what Dragon probably does, it’s enough to incapacitate Dragon long enough for Everett to count to three by himself, because there’s no ref, and declare himself the winner.

Everett then unmasks himself, which boggles the minds of the lucha aficionados surrounding the ring since he’s just won. Everett hits his cue for the U.S. military to infiltrate Trejo’s drug lair, but it takes a while until Larry the Cable Guy finally shows up. Trejo shouts, “Ju gotta be keeding me!” in his best Scarface voice. Some explosives go off and the “good guys” make their escape during all the commotion. And that’s about as much context as you need to wrap this up.

The Wrestlers
While not all on-screen wrestlers are in fact real wrestlers, I thought for sure Bootleg Dragon, who is credited on IMDB as Lucha Libre Bandito, was in fact an actual wrestler.
Instead he’s some guy named Cico Silva, who’s a steadily working sound mixer. The other luchador, as mentioned before, is the skinny guy from Road Trip, DJ Qualls, who apparently made his lucha costume out of the keepsake panties he pocketed after his first sexual conquest from said movie.

Star Rating: *