Professional wrestling, brought to you by pop culture and the make believe world of mass media.
Medium: Film
Title: The Naked Man
Bio: The Naked Man will go down in cinematic wrestling history for going off-script and legitimately hurting the entire locker room of wrestlers before cutting one of the most heartfelt, confusing promos. Was rumored to be Slim Goodbody’s evil twin brother.
Signature Move: Cracking backs.
Brandon Stroud, writer and editor of the two-time RSPW award winning With Spandex blog, on the Uproxx site, wrote the film Meet Me There. Yes, when he’s not busy updating The Best & Worst of Raw posts, or borrowing this site’s Ringside Cinema feature or What the World is Watching, Stroud works on non-pro wrestling endeavors. In case you were hoping this was another entry in the growing wrestling horror film subgenre, I’m sorry to disappoint you.
We’re told via title card at the beginning of Backyard Dogs that by the year 2000, there were more than 18,000 backyard wrestling federations. What they don’t tell you is that there were double that amount of nu metal bands and they’re all on this soundtrack. Step into a transitional time period of baggy awkwardness that was the late 90’s and early 2000’s and witness a generation that spawned from the Attitude Era.
Medium: Film
Title: The Wrestler
Bio: He was once one of the biggest wrestling stars of the 80’s and 90’s. Although a shell of his former self, Randy “The Ram” Robinson still competed on independent wrestling shows, until his last match against his most famous rival, The Ayatollah, at a Ring of Honor show.
Signature Move: The Ram Jam.
Medium: Comics
Title: Friendly Neighborhood Spider-Man #6
Bio: Despite becoming a masked luchador in the name of his father, El Muerto is neither a junior or a El hijo del. After being given 10 years to train and unmask a hero, in order to avenge his father’s death and earn his mask, El Muerto chooses to go after Spider-Man of all people, instead of a regular babyface/tecnico luchador.
Signature Move: Being rescued from El Dorado.
Medium: Television
Title: Rumble
Bio: Having retired from the construction game, Melvin and Neville turned to pro wrestling to exert their girth in a more productive manner. Besides a win over The Forces of Evil, The Beefy Boys were mostly known for their larger than life presence than their impressive winning record. They even landed a part in a fast food commercial.
Signature Move: Being duped into doing things.
Medium: Television
Title: Rumble
Bio: Lord Byron is the face and owner of the Global Wrestling Federation. The GWF is constantly at war with the Real American Wrestling faction, despite rumors that Byron is secretly funding RAW. Proving that money can buy everything, Byron bought the Lord Mount Evans Tag Team Title even though he mostly wrestles as a singles wrestler. He then lost the same title in a singles match against The Prophet.
Signature Move: Spending money frivolously.
Medium: Television
Title: Rumble
Bio: Like how most retired wrestlers are wont to do, The Prophet returned to the squared-circle after having taken a vow to spread the gospel and cure little girls of being deaf. He challenged Britain’s best, Lord Byron, in a winner-takes-all match, which included the Lord Mount Evan’s Tag Team Championship belt, and Byron’s love interest, Georgy.
Signature Move: Spreading the word of God.
I know not all British sitcoms are going to be Fawlty Towers, The Young Ones, Peep Show, The Office, or even The IT Crowd, but who knew England could give the U.S. a run for its money when it comes to producing dumbed-down tripe. Rumble is not only offensive to British sitcoms, but sitcoms in general and, more specifically, to professional wrestling.
Medium: Television
Title: Scrubs
Bio: The Intern was a world champion wrestler. A malnourished world champion wrestler, but a world champion nonetheless. Maybe. Nobody ever knew who he won the title from or where the title came from. But one thing was certain, few were as aggressive as The Intern was on the mic.
Signature Move: Cutting promos.
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