Medium: Animation
Title: Steven Universe
Bio: They build hospitals for the sick, and they build muscles that look slick.
Signature Move: Gross misuse of safety equipment and the public’s tax dollars.
Tag: Cartoon
El Justiciero Enmascarado
Medium: Animation
Title: El Chavo Animado
Bio: Disillusioned with the current state of lucha libre, and the fact that he doesn’t want to end up a broken and withered old luchador, El Justiciero decides to retire. But then he returns to the ring five minutes later to retain his stronghold on the Lucha Libre Championship.
Signature Move: Retiring then returning to the ring, like most retired wrestlers.
El Furioso Desesperado
Medium: AnimationTitle: El Chavo Animado
Bio: A true rudo who’ll stop at nothing to provoke his arch-nemesis to face him in or outside the ring for the Lucha Libre Championship.
Signature Move: Forever jobbing to El Justiciero Enmascarado.
Mad Dog Hoek & Killer Kadoogan
Medium: Animation
Title: The Ren & Stimpy Show
Bio: Two tiny, masked, anthropomorphic grapplers who were known for overcoming the odds and defeating opponents three times their size, despite barely getting any offense in.
Signature Move: The Blister Popper.
All-American Fictional Wrestlers
Previously, I covered the best All-American wrestling attire that’s ever been worn inside the squared circle. And it still stands as the definitive guide in patriotic wrestling gear. Now, in celebration of American’s independence, I’d like to bring to your attention the most All-American fictional wrestlers to come across pop culture.
Man Mountain
Medium: Animation
Title: Porky the Wrestler
Bio: A giant ogre of a man who ruled the wrestling circuits of the 1930’s. Suffered the biggest and most embarrassing loss of his career on a fluke to newcomer Porky Pig.
Signature Move: The airplane spin.
Looney Tunes
“Porky the Wrestler”
No. 153
1/9/1937
Long before Bugs Bunny donned a mask and stepped into the squared circle for some slapstick shenanigans, his brother from a Warner Brother, Porky Pig, was the first Looney ‘toon to step into the ring.
Lump and Loaf
Medium: Animation
Title: The Ren and Stimpy Show
Bio: Lump and Loaf are of the big, bald, and mean as shit variety of cartoon wrestlers. They will beat the crap out of your animated heroes using well-known cartoon holds, like rolling their opponents into a ball. But when it’s all said and done and it’s time to go home, they’ll happily lie down for their opponents.
Signature Move: Doing the job.
Rugrats
“Wrestling Grandpa”
Season 6, Episode 18
5/1/1999
If you thought Abe Simpson was the only wrestling grandpa, guess again. Before Glamorous Godfrey took to the squared circle on our TV sets, Pretzel-Maker Pickles was contorting wrestlers into… human pretzels. At least, it’s assumed he did because of the name. Either that or being employed by Wetzel’s Pretzels was part of the gimmick.
Create-A-Wrestler: Pretzel-Maker Pickles
Medium: Animation
Title: Rugrats
Bio: Pretzel-Maker Pickles stepped out of retirement to face his greatest adversary in the senior’s division, Conan “The Crusher” McNulty. With the championship title on the line, Pickles tried his best but was no match for McNulty’s underhanded tactics. Pickles was then awarded the Senior’s Division Championship after McNulty was exposed as a cheater.
Signature Move: Babysitting children.
Cheap Pop Culture 