Medium: Film
Title: Paradise Alley
Bio: A mobster’s hired muscle by day and a grappler by night, Frankie the Thumper almost picked up his biggest win against Kid Salami had he not been disqualified for continually attacking Salami after the round was over. In his defense, it was the 22nd round and he was probably getting tired of waiting for Salami to finally go down.
Signature Move: Thumping.
Tag: Paradise Alley
Kid Salami
Medium: Film
Title: Paradise Alley
Bio: The slow-witted breakout star of Paradise Alley’s wrestling league easily defeated all comers. However, his win against Frankie the Thumper will forever be tainted due to the ref awarding him the victory on account of Frankie unrelentingly beating the crap out of him after the 22nd round was over.
Signature Move: Doing what his two older brothers tell him to do.
Booking WrestleMania (The Movie)
The last installment of the fictional WrestleMania cards. I was only able to come up with nine matches and that’s probably a good thing, or else the terrier from Russell Madness versus Zeus would’ve been a match booked on this card.
Fictional Wrestlers in Movies
With wrestling and cinema going head-to-head this Sunday, when WWE’s Fastlane goes up against the 87th annual Academy Awards, I figured it’d be best to provide you with the definitive ranking of the best fictional wrestlers in movie history. I tried to hold back on this list until Luis Guzman’s Aztec Warrior was finally released, as I’m sure he would’ve provided with a memorable interpretation of a luchador, but it doesn’t look like that’s going to happen any time soon. First, a few honorable mentions.
Paradise Alley (1978)
Thanks to his Oscar win for writing and starring in Rocky, an untouchable Sylvester Stallone decided to become an auteur of sorts with regards to films about prize fighters and grapplers. Despite going all-out and not only writing, starring, but also directing, and signing the song in the opening credits, Paradise Alley was definitely no Rocky. This film pretty much explains why Stallone milked the hell out of Rocky. He was a one-trick pony. Nonetheless, not many Hollywood studios were lining up to make movies about pro wrestling. So, we can thank Sylvester Stallone for that. Also, thanks to Stallone, it’d be a long time before Hollywood warmed up to making another one. But I don’t want to rag on him too much seeing as he’s sensitive and all.
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