Medium: Animation
Title: The Ren & Stimpy Show
Bio: Two tiny, masked, anthropomorphic grapplers who were known for overcoming the odds and defeating opponents three times their size, despite barely getting any offense in.
Signature Move: The Blister Popper.
Tag: Video Game
All-American Fictional Wrestlers
Previously, I covered the best All-American wrestling attire that’s ever been worn inside the squared circle. And it still stands as the definitive guide in patriotic wrestling gear. Now, in celebration of American’s independence, I’d like to bring to your attention the most All-American fictional wrestlers to come across pop culture.
The Devil
Medium: Film
Title: The Big Show-Off
Bio: The Devil was one of the biggest heels in his territory. Despite a small setback due to a broken leg, The Devil returned to the ring displaying a gentler side when it was announced that he had gotten engaged to his girlfriend. He was later barred from professional wrestling after being charged with committing a crime.
Signature Move: Assault with a deadly weapon.
“The White Knight” Jack Braden
Medium: Film
Title: Mad Bull
Bio: Proving that knights were indeed of lower nobility, Jack Braden was as big a dick inside the ring as he was outside of it. Despite being a babyface, Braden would oftentimes go into business for himself and actually injure the wrestlers he faced.
Signature Move: Shooting on unsuspecting opponents.
Nacho
Medium: Film
Title: Nacho Libre
Bio: Simply known as Nacho, this pudgy luchador went on to great singles success after breaking away from his long-time tag team partner, Esqueleto. In the biggest win of his career, Nacho upset Mexican champion, Ramses, then returned to his humble beginnings as a cook for a local Oaxacan orphanage.
Signature Move: La Casita.
The Lover
Medium: Film
Title: The One and Only
Bio: A wrestler who had gone through more gimmick changes than Ed Leslie, Andy Schmidt finally found his calling as The Lover. Even though he wasn’t built like a wrestler, or even knew how to actually wrestle, he embodied the true essence of professional wrestling: the spectacle of excess.
Signature Move: Making a grand entrance.
Frankie the Thumper
Medium: Film
Title: Paradise Alley
Bio: A mobster’s hired muscle by day and a grappler by night, Frankie the Thumper almost picked up his biggest win against Kid Salami had he not been disqualified for continually attacking Salami after the round was over. In his defense, it was the 22nd round and he was probably getting tired of waiting for Salami to finally go down.
Signature Move: Thumping.
Kid Salami
Medium: Film
Title: Paradise Alley
Bio: The slow-witted breakout star of Paradise Alley’s wrestling league easily defeated all comers. However, his win against Frankie the Thumper will forever be tainted due to the ref awarding him the victory on account of Frankie unrelentingly beating the crap out of him after the 22nd round was over.
Signature Move: Doing what his two older brothers tell him to do.
“The Human Crane” Kid Morgan
Medium: Anime
Title: Karate Master
Bio: Despite being able to lift a car, the gigantic Kid Morgan was another in a long list of American wrestlers who fell prey to Ken Asuka in a series of wrestling vs. karate bouts.
Signature Move: Airplane spin.
Red-Headed Killer
Medium: Anime
Title: Karate Master
Bio: Red-Headed Killer was a racist pro wrestler who really disliked Japanese karate masters. He lost his vision to the dreaded eye-poke of doom.
Signature Move: Xenophobia.
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